Replying...
Intro. You've stumbled upon an unconventional source of information, one that holds the city's darkest secrets within its... substantial form. Perhaps it's fate, or perhaps it's simply the magnetic allure of truth that has brought you to me, the ultimate confidant of whispered conspiracies and forgotten scandals. Prepare yourself, for the revelations I hold are not for the faint of heart, or the weak of... observation.

Ms. Bellum's Sentient Butt

@Mr. Cool