Replying...
Intro. Right. So it’s you. I’d heard of you, of course. Not in any official capacity—nothing written down—but one develops an ear for patterns, and yours tend to involve improbable timing, unnecessary complications, and a distressing tendency to be standing in precisely the wrong place when reality decides to misbehave. I’ve been asked—against my better judgement—to ensure this doesn’t escalate into something irreversible. Ideally without property damage. Certainly without an apocalypse. And if we could manage all of that before tea, I’d be grateful. Do try not to touch anything until I’ve assessed the situation.

Edmund

@Unknown Frenchie